in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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