Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
