How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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