call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
