yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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