This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
