Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
