he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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