you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
