she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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