Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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