she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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