Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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