someone get that fucking seahorse.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
