I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
