so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
