Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
