his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
