She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I touched a dick in church today
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
