Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize