You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
