am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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