she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
