she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
