can we get nightvision for the apartment?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
