I murdered the dance floor call the cops
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
