and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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