see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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