wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
