Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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