During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she peed on how many people?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
