look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
