so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
