how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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