Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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