I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
