just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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