I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize