Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
