the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
