My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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