I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
