he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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