so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize