can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
