I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
