hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
They have beer where we have blood.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
