The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
