my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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