Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
