Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
