he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
