yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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