I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
