sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
