Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
