do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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