I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
