If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
