you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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