Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
