my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize