If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
