My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
