His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Every concussion has its silver lining
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
