Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
