I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
